We All Want Approval

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Hey, guess what? I’m in a fucking good mood this morning, because I was approved for a Chase Sapphire Preferred. I know, it’s pathetic. And you’re probably wondering why I’m only getting one now when I only fucking talk about it every single minute of every single day. But I haven’t actually had my own. The one I have is Caroline’s card, and I’m just an authorized user.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you apply for a card, you don’t have to sit and wait around for 30 days or however long they say it’s going to be if you don’t get instantly approved, and you also don’t have to give up if you get turned down. You can call a “reconsideration line” even pre-emptively. For various strategies and phone numbers, check out this excellent article.

The other point I’m trying to make is that no one knows anything. All over the fucking internet you hear people going on and on about how stingy Chase is with their approvals, and how people who have sterling credit scores still get turned down if they’ve opened more than five cards, even as an authorized user, in two years. But my credit rating is so-so at best due to my, uh, erratic bill paying habits in the past, and Chase seems to love me. They give me more credit than anyone and the rules for their approvals don’t seem to apply to me. Maybe they like me having changed my ways, like a reformed drunk. I have no idea but I’m not complaining. Far from the hostile interrogators I’d been led to believe I would speak to, my representative was nice as could be and pretty much just said “oh yeah, let’s do this” without asking me a thing.

The other point I’m trying to make — I can make as many fucking points as I want to, it’s my fucking blog — is that you can offer to move some of your existing credit on other cards to the new card, but only if you actually call a human to discuss it with them. Chase doesn’t let you move credit between business and personal, and they just gave me a new business card, so I requested they lower my credit line on that card so that they would feel better about extending new credit rather than being maxed out.

Anyway, now I get a Sapphire Preferred of my own, mostly because it turns out Chase’s business cards, for some inexplicable reason, don’t support Apple Pay, so whenever I ride in a taxi, I’m like do I swipe it? Do I insert the chip? Do I just shout and random passersby to blow off steam? So this thing is really for the business, even if it’s a “personal” card, and my life will be easier with Apple Pay (talk about serious problems we have in our modern world), and I’ll earn two points instead of one because taxi counts as “travel”. Oh, and it’s made of fucking metal and has a deep blue design. I could sharpen it and use it as a weapon. I live in New York. You never know.

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